I spent the day shopping with my Mom and it was actually FUN!
JC Penney has some AMAZING Columbus Day sales and she was just thrilled at all the bargains she found...well...that I found for her!
I think she was impressed with my mad shopping skillz! Told her I enjoyed spending her money for her! We had a pretzel and a coke to rest for a bit after JCP and headed off to a couple more stores. Found more really great bargains at CJ's! Things we found there were really items with tons of mixin' and matchin' possibilities, so they'll be very versatile and can weather different seasons too. Told her it was like Garanimals for Grown Ups! LOL
It was a wonderful day together, we don't get much time just the two of us, and I was happy to help her out! Dad really appreciated me taking her, too. (That way he didn't have to)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Lies and so forth
Lies, more lies, deceit, and additional disrespect for good measure.
Tired of getting lied to, having things planned rearranged, and making concessions to revolve around the one person who can't seem to appreciate anything we do.
Steph's level was over 500 again today...had to get her from school as she was vomiting and couldn't stay at school. Everyone at my office had to rearrange lunch schedules so that I could leave to pick her up. Ridiculous when it all could have been avoided. She's been sneaking food and not accounting for carbs...allowing her levels to run high. Idiocy at it's best, laziness at it's worst.
She sat there with no remorse, no apology, nothing. Basically taking no responsibility for anything and blaming others or situations for her lack of self control.
Sick to death of trying to keep her healthy and not sick or dead! *grr*
Tomorrow is another day...we'll see what lies that brings...
Tired of getting lied to, having things planned rearranged, and making concessions to revolve around the one person who can't seem to appreciate anything we do.
Steph's level was over 500 again today...had to get her from school as she was vomiting and couldn't stay at school. Everyone at my office had to rearrange lunch schedules so that I could leave to pick her up. Ridiculous when it all could have been avoided. She's been sneaking food and not accounting for carbs...allowing her levels to run high. Idiocy at it's best, laziness at it's worst.
She sat there with no remorse, no apology, nothing. Basically taking no responsibility for anything and blaming others or situations for her lack of self control.
Sick to death of trying to keep her healthy and not sick or dead! *grr*
Tomorrow is another day...we'll see what lies that brings...
Friday, September 3, 2010
Money isn't the root of all evil...eating out all of the time is!
But not really. Money isn't the root of all evil, debt is. Borrowing is. Wasteful spending is. Money isn't. Recently, I have been REALLY worried about finances. And when I say finances I mean regular monthly bills and expenses.
The mortgage is paid directly out of my paycheck (1st and 2nd mortgages), the car is paid out of my paycheck, so off the top I pay out around $1600 per month out of my pay. Then I have distributions going to various accounts to save for other expenses like car insurance, life insurance, kids expenses, Christmas savings, etc. All in all, I'm left with around $600 per month for all other household expenses. Gas, Electric, Cell Phone, Sewer, Water, and gas for the cars. Don't forget the credit card payments and groceries have to come from that too.
The numbers just didn't add up and I was constantly borrowing to pay for regular expenses. It didn't make sense, but I saw no other way to keep things paid up. So I was considering trying to find a part time job to make ends meet a bit more. How on earth am I gonna fit a part time job into my already very busy schedule?? Work one night a week and every weekend?
About two years ago, I told Eric that we needed to seriously create a budget. He liked his way of keeping his bills separate from mine, and for the most part it was "working" (in my mind, maybe his too) because things were being paid fine, never late or not at all. We were keeping up, so it must be ok, right?? Last year, when we got our bonuses cut at my job, it made things even worse. Now I don't RELY on bonuses, but they helped a LOT for "silly" expenses like getting chemicals/supplies for the pool that were necessary, but unplanned for. (My fault, should have been saving for them but how??) I started to really stress about the expenses and began telling Eric, "I don't have money for that right now, if you do, we can". Whether that was eating out, going to an event, or checking out a movie. Soon, he began to pay for more things, but it ended up just created more debt on him and we were both scraping by.
My sister gave me Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book a couple of years ago that I never read. At work, they had a Financial Peace University program they were hoping employees would take advantage of. Only trouble was, materials were $100 that I didn't have. I began reading the book I had and my eyes were opened to the mess we'd gotten ourselves into.
Now Mr. Ramsey is a bit radical in his approach to attacking debt. Sell the car, the stuff in your basement, get four jobs if you have to for a short time, and get out of debt other than the house QUICK. I'm not quite ready to become that intense. I know Eric and I and we're better with doing stuff with baby steps to be successful. So we sat down and to my amazement, he was very receptive to what I had to say. <3 He was feeling the "crunch" too now and willing to listen I guess.
When I showed him that the way we're living just simply can't continue, he couldn't argue with the numbers. lol Together we came up with a budget and a plan to payoff all of our debt except the car and house in about 3.5-4 years. It would start with next year's income tax refund and we would dedicate future years' tax returns to payoff things until done. All the while applying previous payments of the paid off cards to the existing cards to accelerate the payoffs.
I asked my Dad and Mom if they could lend us $5k to help get us started. That would payoff three of the loans and save us more than $250/m, plus leave a bit of a small cushion of a couple hundred to keep us in a good cashflow position as we set up the new budget. We knew we could easily afford to payback $5k with income tax and still have money leftover from that to put in savings for an "emergency fund". Not only were they willing to help, they GAVE us the money and more than we asked for! I was floored...and humbled. With their help, we will most likely have all of the credit cards paid off in a year and a half to two years instead of the 3 and a half to 4 we were planning! (and that $5k we were planning on paying them back next year will just be able to payoff something else) If all goes well, we may even have the car paid off within that time frame (about 2 yrs) too, but we'll see!
The biggest hurdle and one that really wasn't hard to jump over was getting Eric to agree to create a joint account that we would pool our money into to pay the household bills from. Remember he previously gave me a whopping $125/m to help toward the household bills? He's now contributing $900/m to the joint checking account! We also agreed to check with each other before spending anything more than $50 (once this is all done and we can actually spend a bit again). We're looking at ALL areas of our finances and it's the first time in the 10 years he's been with me that we are working TOGETHER financially. (we've been married for 6, but even after we were married, we kept things separated) The best thing I heard him say during all of this is: "I wish I hadn't been so stubborn and we did this sooner". Means he's really on board with everything, which I'm REALLY happy about.
It was important to really get out from under this now because my kids are almost to the age where the ex no longer has to pay child support. I never wanted to rely on his child support (never know if he'd lose his job or something) and not only was I relying on it, but if it was late, it caused me trouble too. With all of this, we're going to be in such a good financial position in a short time, I won't have to worry about if something happens.
The PEACE that all of this has brought on has been phenomenal. The JOY of being unburdened and no longer enslaved by the debt is an emotion I can't really describe. The EXCITEMENT of my husband and I actually working together to accomplish something is what I've longed for, for quite some time. We have a shared vision now, and it's good!
We've even put our credit cards in a lock box (didn't cut them up...don't want to CLOSE the credit and ruin our score), and ceremoniously vowed not to use them without discussion first. If it's in savings to spend, we can use the card and pay it off immediately to keep it open/active.
We're taking our lunches, getting plain label stuff when grocery shopping, and cutting expenses too, wherever we can. Eric will be working some overtime soon, which will help even more.
There's a light at the end of our debt tunnel, and thankfully with the gift from my parents, we'll dig out a lot faster than we planned!
The mortgage is paid directly out of my paycheck (1st and 2nd mortgages), the car is paid out of my paycheck, so off the top I pay out around $1600 per month out of my pay. Then I have distributions going to various accounts to save for other expenses like car insurance, life insurance, kids expenses, Christmas savings, etc. All in all, I'm left with around $600 per month for all other household expenses. Gas, Electric, Cell Phone, Sewer, Water, and gas for the cars. Don't forget the credit card payments and groceries have to come from that too.
The numbers just didn't add up and I was constantly borrowing to pay for regular expenses. It didn't make sense, but I saw no other way to keep things paid up. So I was considering trying to find a part time job to make ends meet a bit more. How on earth am I gonna fit a part time job into my already very busy schedule?? Work one night a week and every weekend?
About two years ago, I told Eric that we needed to seriously create a budget. He liked his way of keeping his bills separate from mine, and for the most part it was "working" (in my mind, maybe his too) because things were being paid fine, never late or not at all. We were keeping up, so it must be ok, right?? Last year, when we got our bonuses cut at my job, it made things even worse. Now I don't RELY on bonuses, but they helped a LOT for "silly" expenses like getting chemicals/supplies for the pool that were necessary, but unplanned for. (My fault, should have been saving for them but how??) I started to really stress about the expenses and began telling Eric, "I don't have money for that right now, if you do, we can". Whether that was eating out, going to an event, or checking out a movie. Soon, he began to pay for more things, but it ended up just created more debt on him and we were both scraping by.
My sister gave me Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book a couple of years ago that I never read. At work, they had a Financial Peace University program they were hoping employees would take advantage of. Only trouble was, materials were $100 that I didn't have. I began reading the book I had and my eyes were opened to the mess we'd gotten ourselves into.
Now Mr. Ramsey is a bit radical in his approach to attacking debt. Sell the car, the stuff in your basement, get four jobs if you have to for a short time, and get out of debt other than the house QUICK. I'm not quite ready to become that intense. I know Eric and I and we're better with doing stuff with baby steps to be successful. So we sat down and to my amazement, he was very receptive to what I had to say. <3 He was feeling the "crunch" too now and willing to listen I guess.
When I showed him that the way we're living just simply can't continue, he couldn't argue with the numbers. lol Together we came up with a budget and a plan to payoff all of our debt except the car and house in about 3.5-4 years. It would start with next year's income tax refund and we would dedicate future years' tax returns to payoff things until done. All the while applying previous payments of the paid off cards to the existing cards to accelerate the payoffs.
I asked my Dad and Mom if they could lend us $5k to help get us started. That would payoff three of the loans and save us more than $250/m, plus leave a bit of a small cushion of a couple hundred to keep us in a good cashflow position as we set up the new budget. We knew we could easily afford to payback $5k with income tax and still have money leftover from that to put in savings for an "emergency fund". Not only were they willing to help, they GAVE us the money and more than we asked for! I was floored...and humbled. With their help, we will most likely have all of the credit cards paid off in a year and a half to two years instead of the 3 and a half to 4 we were planning! (and that $5k we were planning on paying them back next year will just be able to payoff something else) If all goes well, we may even have the car paid off within that time frame (about 2 yrs) too, but we'll see!
The biggest hurdle and one that really wasn't hard to jump over was getting Eric to agree to create a joint account that we would pool our money into to pay the household bills from. Remember he previously gave me a whopping $125/m to help toward the household bills? He's now contributing $900/m to the joint checking account! We also agreed to check with each other before spending anything more than $50 (once this is all done and we can actually spend a bit again). We're looking at ALL areas of our finances and it's the first time in the 10 years he's been with me that we are working TOGETHER financially. (we've been married for 6, but even after we were married, we kept things separated) The best thing I heard him say during all of this is: "I wish I hadn't been so stubborn and we did this sooner". Means he's really on board with everything, which I'm REALLY happy about.
It was important to really get out from under this now because my kids are almost to the age where the ex no longer has to pay child support. I never wanted to rely on his child support (never know if he'd lose his job or something) and not only was I relying on it, but if it was late, it caused me trouble too. With all of this, we're going to be in such a good financial position in a short time, I won't have to worry about if something happens.
The PEACE that all of this has brought on has been phenomenal. The JOY of being unburdened and no longer enslaved by the debt is an emotion I can't really describe. The EXCITEMENT of my husband and I actually working together to accomplish something is what I've longed for, for quite some time. We have a shared vision now, and it's good!
We've even put our credit cards in a lock box (didn't cut them up...don't want to CLOSE the credit and ruin our score), and ceremoniously vowed not to use them without discussion first. If it's in savings to spend, we can use the card and pay it off immediately to keep it open/active.
We're taking our lunches, getting plain label stuff when grocery shopping, and cutting expenses too, wherever we can. Eric will be working some overtime soon, which will help even more.
There's a light at the end of our debt tunnel, and thankfully with the gift from my parents, we'll dig out a lot faster than we planned!
I really need to update this more!
The last time I updated was just before I was headed off to visit my sister. It was a wonderful trip! No drama, fresh "country" air, a bit of "country labor" --had to help unload a pile of wood! o.O--, and a whole lot of relaxing! It was great, I was refreshed, but it didn't change anything going on in my life that creates the stress in the first place. LOL
When I thought about blogging, it reminded me I haven't done so in quite some time. Also reminded me that I haven't spoken to or heard from Gwynn in awhile either, so I texted her just to check in. Which also reminds me I miss Saraney and wonder how she's doing too...
Well dear readers, on to the blog!
Here are the updates on the kids first:
Michelle ~ Caught texting nekkie pics to her boyfriend (and he sent some to her)...had to sit down with BOTH of them and have the "responsibility" talk...I'm sure it was WAY more embarrassing for me than them, but it had to be done. School I *think* is going ok for her so far. She seems to be on top of her work. We'll see how progress looks when I check online here in a bit!
John ~ Doing well in school, drama free kid, enjoying Scouts still. Gearing up for some fall camping and tree lot sales will start in November around Thanksgiving. Had a talk with him about money, budgeting, planning, saving, etc. He was almost "excited" to begin saving for AnimeSTL next year. He keeps talking about getting a job asap when he's able. Said he wants to work at GameStop. LOL
Steph ~ Pretty drama free so far this school year, but honestly hasn't been around much. She's at her friend's house more than she's here it seems lately, and I'm not sure I really like it all that much. She's spending the night there a lot, even on school nights, going to church with them, and just not spending any time here. When she's here she's brooding and "bored". I feel like we should be paying her friend's mom for room and board! =/
Eric and I have been on really good terms lately, but the kids haven't really caused too many uproaring issues either. Typically when we have our problems it's over how to deal with disciplining the kids. (more on stuff going on with us in the next blog!)
Work ~ Pretty non-eventful stuff there as well. I have enough staff right now *knock wood* that when I have a big project or assignment to take care of, I can sort of lock myself away in my office and actually work on it. I rarely take any work home with me, and the stress level has been low there as well. The three evals I had to give my employees went well (though they weren't all glowing reviews), and I have a bit of reprieve from having to write any more evals until later this month.
Chamber ~ Again, pretty non-eventful. Just had a Board meeting yesterday (Only two and a half more to go during my term as President!) and it went well. I had to gather and present staff salary and compensation information to the Executive Board and negotiate some additional benefits for the Chamber's director. The actual Board meeting went well, though it ended on a controversial note. Sometimes it amazes me how the littlest thing sets people off. LOL
Taking a break from the computer for a shower...will write more today though! :)
When I thought about blogging, it reminded me I haven't done so in quite some time. Also reminded me that I haven't spoken to or heard from Gwynn in awhile either, so I texted her just to check in. Which also reminds me I miss Saraney and wonder how she's doing too...
Well dear readers, on to the blog!
Here are the updates on the kids first:
Michelle ~ Caught texting nekkie pics to her boyfriend (and he sent some to her)...had to sit down with BOTH of them and have the "responsibility" talk...I'm sure it was WAY more embarrassing for me than them, but it had to be done. School I *think* is going ok for her so far. She seems to be on top of her work. We'll see how progress looks when I check online here in a bit!
John ~ Doing well in school, drama free kid, enjoying Scouts still. Gearing up for some fall camping and tree lot sales will start in November around Thanksgiving. Had a talk with him about money, budgeting, planning, saving, etc. He was almost "excited" to begin saving for AnimeSTL next year. He keeps talking about getting a job asap when he's able. Said he wants to work at GameStop. LOL
Steph ~ Pretty drama free so far this school year, but honestly hasn't been around much. She's at her friend's house more than she's here it seems lately, and I'm not sure I really like it all that much. She's spending the night there a lot, even on school nights, going to church with them, and just not spending any time here. When she's here she's brooding and "bored". I feel like we should be paying her friend's mom for room and board! =/
Eric and I have been on really good terms lately, but the kids haven't really caused too many uproaring issues either. Typically when we have our problems it's over how to deal with disciplining the kids. (more on stuff going on with us in the next blog!)
Work ~ Pretty non-eventful stuff there as well. I have enough staff right now *knock wood* that when I have a big project or assignment to take care of, I can sort of lock myself away in my office and actually work on it. I rarely take any work home with me, and the stress level has been low there as well. The three evals I had to give my employees went well (though they weren't all glowing reviews), and I have a bit of reprieve from having to write any more evals until later this month.
Chamber ~ Again, pretty non-eventful. Just had a Board meeting yesterday (Only two and a half more to go during my term as President!) and it went well. I had to gather and present staff salary and compensation information to the Executive Board and negotiate some additional benefits for the Chamber's director. The actual Board meeting went well, though it ended on a controversial note. Sometimes it amazes me how the littlest thing sets people off. LOL
Taking a break from the computer for a shower...will write more today though! :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Let's end this meeting on a high note
Through all of my stress and turmoil, my self-inflicted frenzy of frustration, my Mom has been my sounding board and I love her.
My very good friend Kathy's mom passed away recently (back in March) and it hit home for me...I hope I have many more years to come with my Mom, but I know she won't be here forever.
I call her almost daily and she lets me drone on and on about all the goings on here. I call her when I need a recipe or cooking advice, I call her when I need nothing at all. Sometimes I go days without calling her and she starts to worry if eveyrthing's ok.
Today I called her and she was on the gambling boat with her sister. My Aunt, God love her too, has even more to deal with than I do I think. So although I had some more stress to spew out of me, I told her to have a great time, to tell MFA (my favorite Aunt)hello, good luck, and no, nothing's new, I was just checking in. She was there for fun, I wanted her to have it. Time I stop being so selfish.
She's kept me somewhat sane through all of this...she still loves me when I snap at her without meaning to, and she and my Dad have been super supportive of me in all of my ups and downs.
In just about two weeks, I'll be going with my oldest sister and my mom to visit my middle sister near Kansas City. Theresa and Mom go to visit Ronda every year, but I haven't been able to go for one reason or another. I've gone by myself with the kids, or with Eric to visit Ronda, but haven't been able to make the annual trip with Theresa and Mom yet. This will be the first year, and I'm excited to spend the time...just us girls with Mom. Mom's warned me that we're just going to relax, they don't do anything but visit and sit outside (sounds HEAVENLY right now), but secretly I hope the four of us do something fun...at least one event to remember the trip by. Even if we don't, I'll bring some board games, there's always cards, and maybe we'll look through some old photos or something.
All in all, I just wanted to end the night on a positive, uplifting note, and I hope to blog soon about the great trip I was able to take with my mom spending time with her and my sisters! <3
My very good friend Kathy's mom passed away recently (back in March) and it hit home for me...I hope I have many more years to come with my Mom, but I know she won't be here forever.
I call her almost daily and she lets me drone on and on about all the goings on here. I call her when I need a recipe or cooking advice, I call her when I need nothing at all. Sometimes I go days without calling her and she starts to worry if eveyrthing's ok.
Today I called her and she was on the gambling boat with her sister. My Aunt, God love her too, has even more to deal with than I do I think. So although I had some more stress to spew out of me, I told her to have a great time, to tell MFA (my favorite Aunt)hello, good luck, and no, nothing's new, I was just checking in. She was there for fun, I wanted her to have it. Time I stop being so selfish.
She's kept me somewhat sane through all of this...she still loves me when I snap at her without meaning to, and she and my Dad have been super supportive of me in all of my ups and downs.
In just about two weeks, I'll be going with my oldest sister and my mom to visit my middle sister near Kansas City. Theresa and Mom go to visit Ronda every year, but I haven't been able to go for one reason or another. I've gone by myself with the kids, or with Eric to visit Ronda, but haven't been able to make the annual trip with Theresa and Mom yet. This will be the first year, and I'm excited to spend the time...just us girls with Mom. Mom's warned me that we're just going to relax, they don't do anything but visit and sit outside (sounds HEAVENLY right now), but secretly I hope the four of us do something fun...at least one event to remember the trip by. Even if we don't, I'll bring some board games, there's always cards, and maybe we'll look through some old photos or something.
All in all, I just wanted to end the night on a positive, uplifting note, and I hope to blog soon about the great trip I was able to take with my mom spending time with her and my sisters! <3
And one more thing...
Just because I want to document that this happened, so later when I'm in the nuthouse, you all dear readers will know why.
After coming home late one night from work, Eric decided he just HAD to go to the store and get something...yogurt and food for his "diet" or something, I forget now what it was. But he had to go all the way to the grocery for it...wasn't anything he could just pick up at QT. And since he was going to Schnucks, he was going to stop at Home Depot and pickup a part for the back screen door that was broke. Now, normally, I wouldn't mind. Gimme a kiss goodbye, I'll see you when you get home. THIS PARTICULAR night, however, Michelle was gone (but on her way home from a school event) John was home with me, Steph was outside on the porch swing. THIS PARTICULAR Friday night...we had a torrential downpour of rain, hail, and tornados in the area. Yet he couldn't wait until morning to go out and pickup a few things from the grocery.
Mind you, his work building is in a parking lot which is adjacent to a Schnucks grocery and he could've stopped on his way TO or FROM work the next day if needed.
So...not only did he go out, but he went out in the worst storm of the season so far. Tornado sirens were going off, actual sightings of twisters in our area were being reported. Not only did HE go, but he TOOK STEPH WITH HIM! AND left her damn insulin bag here in the house!!!! >.< (remember I said she was outside on the porch swing....she said I want to come, he said ok let's go...she hopped in the car and they took off) He came back with a few things, but nothing that couldn't have waited until the morning.
Now I ask you...WHO DOES THAT?!!??!? (other than professional storm chasers...)
Not only goes out into a storm driving around, but takes their DIABETIC 12 year old daughter with them and doesn't check to be sure her insulin is present?!?!
The "what-ifs" haunted me until they arrived home. And he just couldn't understand what I was so bent out of shape over... *sigh*
Miraculously, yet I don't know how, I have managed to stay out of a straight jacket and my blood pressure is still good...
After coming home late one night from work, Eric decided he just HAD to go to the store and get something...yogurt and food for his "diet" or something, I forget now what it was. But he had to go all the way to the grocery for it...wasn't anything he could just pick up at QT. And since he was going to Schnucks, he was going to stop at Home Depot and pickup a part for the back screen door that was broke. Now, normally, I wouldn't mind. Gimme a kiss goodbye, I'll see you when you get home. THIS PARTICULAR night, however, Michelle was gone (but on her way home from a school event) John was home with me, Steph was outside on the porch swing. THIS PARTICULAR Friday night...we had a torrential downpour of rain, hail, and tornados in the area. Yet he couldn't wait until morning to go out and pickup a few things from the grocery.
Mind you, his work building is in a parking lot which is adjacent to a Schnucks grocery and he could've stopped on his way TO or FROM work the next day if needed.
So...not only did he go out, but he went out in the worst storm of the season so far. Tornado sirens were going off, actual sightings of twisters in our area were being reported. Not only did HE go, but he TOOK STEPH WITH HIM! AND left her damn insulin bag here in the house!!!! >.< (remember I said she was outside on the porch swing....she said I want to come, he said ok let's go...she hopped in the car and they took off) He came back with a few things, but nothing that couldn't have waited until the morning.
Now I ask you...WHO DOES THAT?!!??!? (other than professional storm chasers...)
Not only goes out into a storm driving around, but takes their DIABETIC 12 year old daughter with them and doesn't check to be sure her insulin is present?!?!
The "what-ifs" haunted me until they arrived home. And he just couldn't understand what I was so bent out of shape over... *sigh*
Miraculously, yet I don't know how, I have managed to stay out of a straight jacket and my blood pressure is still good...
The old saying goes: never lend a friend money (and other rantings of a lunatic)
So my husband and I have these friends...Ian and Kim. Eric used to work with Ian, and Kim and I have become very good friends by our husbands hanging out together often.
Long story short, Eric lent Ian about $70. Ian promised to pay Eric by a certain time, but wasn't able to live up to that promise. It's not the first time either. In the past, when he owed Eric money they worked out some sort of bartering for computer parts, car race tickets, or some such nonsense so that Ian didn't have to pay cash money back, but Eric felt he got a fair deal out of the arrangemnet so it was all good. This time, there would be no bartering. Eric wanted to be paid cash money and Ian didn't have it by the promised date. It almost cost them their friendship. Eric would go on and on about how crappy it was for Ian to flake out and not pay as promised...and all the while, all I could think is: What a hypocrite!
You see, I guess it was ok that Eric didn't pay me the measley $125 that he gives me per month to help out with all the bills. (oh, he pays the ATT Uverse bill which is about $200/month, but that wasn't MY choice to set that up...it was his. Told him he could do whatever with the satelite/cable/uverse...he's paying the bill!) But I pay everything else. He pays me $125/month to help out...that doesn't even buy one week's worth of groceries, or the electric bill, or the cell phone bill. Don't get me wrong, it HELPS, but it's not nearly enough for all the expenses we have.
I make more money than he does, but he blows alot of his money, which infuriates me. I scrimp and penny-pinch and he buys ghosthunting gear or nascar tickets. Just last night he was looking for MMA tickets (mixed martial arts) ... while I'm trying to find a solution to how I'm going to NOT live on my credit cards. I really REALLY don't want to have to get a second job...and shouldn't have to :(
I feel like he's such a hypocrite and I just have no idea who he is anymore. He has to be on the go and spending money ALL THE TIME. I finally just told him, "you know, it sucks that Ian isn't paying you by the agreed upon date." Then I inserted sarcastic analogy to what Eric does to me here saying, "I hate when someone promises to pay you and they don't." (man, that felt so good!) Went on to say, "But it's not worth ruining your friendship over. If you don't like that he keeps doing this to you when he borrows money, then DON'T LEND HIM ANYMORE MONEY! You know he's good for it, and eventually you'll be paid, so chill out!" >.<
I'm so tired of his double standards in every aspect of his life I can hardly stand it anymore. Everything he does is ok if he does it (and/or benefits from it), but if I do (or anyone else does) the same thing, he gets all bent out of shape.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most...he HAS money tucked in savings for Stephanie to just SPEND. It's not saving for her college, her first car, or new clothes, it's her "allowance" and he builds it up for her and allows her to just SPEND it. Now this 12 year old has a digital camera, a Ninetendo SP, a Ninetendo DS, (wants a DSi *rolls eyes*), a computer in her room, tons of PC games, a modified x-box with a bajillion burned games...yet needs money to SPEND??
He put off ordering her a new pair of glasses when she LOST hers after sleeping over at a friend's and having them less than 2 weeks! because he didn't have the money. Uh...take it from her SPENDING money?!?! She NEEDS glasses, she doesn't NEED anything "fun". Everything she has, it's not enough. She goes around saying "I'm bored" all the time, which is enough to drive me absofuckinglutely bonkers.
There's just no sense of priority or of responsibilty to be more contributory to our household needs. And I think I'm just fed up. His rant about Ian not paying him really got to me...I fear it won't be long before I absolutely lose it.
Ian and Kim are like family to me now, and they treat me like I'm part of their family. I'd do anything to help them out if I could and I know they'd do the same for me (already have on some ocassions!)...I just couldn't believe he could be so apathetic toward them...and over $70 bucks??
It's really odd...the folks he should be connected to the most, family close friends, are the ones he craps on. His "friends" that I would call acquaintences, or his "friends" that I would call co-workers, he'll do just about anything for.
Maybe it's just me, but I really don't see how you're allowed to shit all over the folks that care about you the most, but bend over backwards to help out someone you barely know, but talk to on a semi-regular basis.
I am sick of seeing status updates by him on facebook and blackberry chat that are obviously meant for others. He tries to play it off, but I'm not stupid. He can't email me, call me, or text me...but he can update his facebook or blackberry messenger status regularly.
I'm the devil and "neglecting" him when I'm on the computer, but he's on until all hours of the night every day and that's ok. Tonight is the first night in over 3 weeks that I've been up past 10:30 and on the computer. I go to bed without him, and wake up to him groping me? I think not, sir. I'm NOT a morning person, and contrary to what ANYONE says...morning sex is NOT good. Bedtime sex is sexy and relaxing...morning sex is rushed, and full of morning breath.
Wow...I need to change the title to the post...how did we get here with this conversation?!?! LOL
Sure sign I better get to bed. Work in the morning and I fear it will be long weekend of aggravation and frustration. Best to get it started and overwith (as Michael Scott says) "ASAP as possible"!
Long story short, Eric lent Ian about $70. Ian promised to pay Eric by a certain time, but wasn't able to live up to that promise. It's not the first time either. In the past, when he owed Eric money they worked out some sort of bartering for computer parts, car race tickets, or some such nonsense so that Ian didn't have to pay cash money back, but Eric felt he got a fair deal out of the arrangemnet so it was all good. This time, there would be no bartering. Eric wanted to be paid cash money and Ian didn't have it by the promised date. It almost cost them their friendship. Eric would go on and on about how crappy it was for Ian to flake out and not pay as promised...and all the while, all I could think is: What a hypocrite!
You see, I guess it was ok that Eric didn't pay me the measley $125 that he gives me per month to help out with all the bills. (oh, he pays the ATT Uverse bill which is about $200/month, but that wasn't MY choice to set that up...it was his. Told him he could do whatever with the satelite/cable/uverse...he's paying the bill!) But I pay everything else. He pays me $125/month to help out...that doesn't even buy one week's worth of groceries, or the electric bill, or the cell phone bill. Don't get me wrong, it HELPS, but it's not nearly enough for all the expenses we have.
I make more money than he does, but he blows alot of his money, which infuriates me. I scrimp and penny-pinch and he buys ghosthunting gear or nascar tickets. Just last night he was looking for MMA tickets (mixed martial arts) ... while I'm trying to find a solution to how I'm going to NOT live on my credit cards. I really REALLY don't want to have to get a second job...and shouldn't have to :(
I feel like he's such a hypocrite and I just have no idea who he is anymore. He has to be on the go and spending money ALL THE TIME. I finally just told him, "you know, it sucks that Ian isn't paying you by the agreed upon date." Then I inserted sarcastic analogy to what Eric does to me here saying, "I hate when someone promises to pay you and they don't." (man, that felt so good!) Went on to say, "But it's not worth ruining your friendship over. If you don't like that he keeps doing this to you when he borrows money, then DON'T LEND HIM ANYMORE MONEY! You know he's good for it, and eventually you'll be paid, so chill out!" >.<
I'm so tired of his double standards in every aspect of his life I can hardly stand it anymore. Everything he does is ok if he does it (and/or benefits from it), but if I do (or anyone else does) the same thing, he gets all bent out of shape.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most...he HAS money tucked in savings for Stephanie to just SPEND. It's not saving for her college, her first car, or new clothes, it's her "allowance" and he builds it up for her and allows her to just SPEND it. Now this 12 year old has a digital camera, a Ninetendo SP, a Ninetendo DS, (wants a DSi *rolls eyes*), a computer in her room, tons of PC games, a modified x-box with a bajillion burned games...yet needs money to SPEND??
He put off ordering her a new pair of glasses when she LOST hers after sleeping over at a friend's and having them less than 2 weeks! because he didn't have the money. Uh...take it from her SPENDING money?!?! She NEEDS glasses, she doesn't NEED anything "fun". Everything she has, it's not enough. She goes around saying "I'm bored" all the time, which is enough to drive me absofuckinglutely bonkers.
There's just no sense of priority or of responsibilty to be more contributory to our household needs. And I think I'm just fed up. His rant about Ian not paying him really got to me...I fear it won't be long before I absolutely lose it.
Ian and Kim are like family to me now, and they treat me like I'm part of their family. I'd do anything to help them out if I could and I know they'd do the same for me (already have on some ocassions!)...I just couldn't believe he could be so apathetic toward them...and over $70 bucks??
It's really odd...the folks he should be connected to the most, family close friends, are the ones he craps on. His "friends" that I would call acquaintences, or his "friends" that I would call co-workers, he'll do just about anything for.
Maybe it's just me, but I really don't see how you're allowed to shit all over the folks that care about you the most, but bend over backwards to help out someone you barely know, but talk to on a semi-regular basis.
I am sick of seeing status updates by him on facebook and blackberry chat that are obviously meant for others. He tries to play it off, but I'm not stupid. He can't email me, call me, or text me...but he can update his facebook or blackberry messenger status regularly.
I'm the devil and "neglecting" him when I'm on the computer, but he's on until all hours of the night every day and that's ok. Tonight is the first night in over 3 weeks that I've been up past 10:30 and on the computer. I go to bed without him, and wake up to him groping me? I think not, sir. I'm NOT a morning person, and contrary to what ANYONE says...morning sex is NOT good. Bedtime sex is sexy and relaxing...morning sex is rushed, and full of morning breath.
Wow...I need to change the title to the post...how did we get here with this conversation?!?! LOL
Sure sign I better get to bed. Work in the morning and I fear it will be long weekend of aggravation and frustration. Best to get it started and overwith (as Michael Scott says) "ASAP as possible"!
Ranting
Beware...rant incoming!
I've been feeling like I'm at a major crossroads in my life. Lost, without direction, wondering what I'm supposed to do.
It's funny...my dog, Daisy, is a beagle. She killed two baby bunnies on Sunday. And although I felt bad for the poor defenseless little baby bunnies, I thought to myself, "Gee. I can't get mad at Daisy, it's what she was born to do" Then all of a sudden I wished I had such clear direction as to what I'm supposed to do with my life. My mom said I do have clear direction: Work and Stress. Guess it's better than killing baby bunnies, but not by much...
So I've just really felt like I'm an outsider looking in on my own life and wondering how in the hell I got here, why do I put up with the bullshit that I put up with, and what on earth could possibly be in store for me in the future. I don't know how much more of this I can take after all.
In all of this I can't help but feel ... ungreatful. I mean, I have a family, a home to live in, a decent job that pays well (though not nearly enough!)--more than so many folks can say these days--, and a nice car to get me to that job. I should be thankful for all of this, right? All of this, however comes with a price. The family comes with a pricetag of "insanity"...not so sure I'm willing to pay that much for it anymore... The job comes with a pricetag of "time"...I spend the majority of my life working and for what? The home of course comes with a literal pricetag of "responsibilty" of which no one else seems to want to pitch in on that one, but no one has trouble with reaping the benefits. And the car pricetag just keeps increasing due to gas prices...no "sales" here for sure!
So...I guess I'm like my beagle...sniffing out possibilities for a new/different (better?) life...I hope one day I'll catch my baby bunny.
I've been feeling like I'm at a major crossroads in my life. Lost, without direction, wondering what I'm supposed to do.
It's funny...my dog, Daisy, is a beagle. She killed two baby bunnies on Sunday. And although I felt bad for the poor defenseless little baby bunnies, I thought to myself, "Gee. I can't get mad at Daisy, it's what she was born to do" Then all of a sudden I wished I had such clear direction as to what I'm supposed to do with my life. My mom said I do have clear direction: Work and Stress. Guess it's better than killing baby bunnies, but not by much...
So I've just really felt like I'm an outsider looking in on my own life and wondering how in the hell I got here, why do I put up with the bullshit that I put up with, and what on earth could possibly be in store for me in the future. I don't know how much more of this I can take after all.
In all of this I can't help but feel ... ungreatful. I mean, I have a family, a home to live in, a decent job that pays well (though not nearly enough!)--more than so many folks can say these days--, and a nice car to get me to that job. I should be thankful for all of this, right? All of this, however comes with a price. The family comes with a pricetag of "insanity"...not so sure I'm willing to pay that much for it anymore... The job comes with a pricetag of "time"...I spend the majority of my life working and for what? The home of course comes with a literal pricetag of "responsibilty" of which no one else seems to want to pitch in on that one, but no one has trouble with reaping the benefits. And the car pricetag just keeps increasing due to gas prices...no "sales" here for sure!
So...I guess I'm like my beagle...sniffing out possibilities for a new/different (better?) life...I hope one day I'll catch my baby bunny.
Good Gravy, has it been that long?
I was thinking I needed to write something here again soon...apparently I've been thinking that for the last three months?!?!
So much has happened (and not happened) in that time frame I really don't know where to begin.
I vowed to keep my blogs a bit more positive this year so we'll start there this time:
The Chamber gig has been ok so far. Demanding and taxing on my time, but otherwise, no major catastrophes (yet...*knocks on anything wooden*) It's hard to keep the Board meetings on track and on time, but I do my best and from the feedback I get, I'm guess they go well. It's nice that folks commend me on my diplomacy when dealing with situations that come up, too. Sometimes I wish I were a bit less diplomatic and a bit more action-oriented. I feel like being the President this year, I should be doing more to "make a difference", but I don't know how I can take anything more on realistically.
Michelle. Things have been going along ok with Michelle. She still struggles in school with turning in work on time (or at all). She also is one of those kids who doesn't do well on tests, which, when combined with missing assignments equates to poor grades. She'd do ok if she just did her classwork and turned it in on time. /sigh But the good news here is...we're getting ALONG better. I have, for the most part, been able to talk to her. Unless it has to do with school, or her medicine (which she insists she doesn't need), we get along fine. I think (hope?) she's slowly realizing I'm not the enemy...
John. He's doing well in Boy Scouts, still enjoying it, so I keep encouraging it. It's good for him to have the social interaction with others. His grades have started slipping, but not terribly. He loves his hamster and he stays out of the drama that the girls seem to perpetuate. Quite simply, he's the glue that holds me together.
Steph. Up to her old tricks. Lies to the nurse at school in order to get snacks. She told the nurse her blood sugar level was 68...Nurse happened to check the meter and she was over 200. Pizza missing from the fridge here at home, she's over 200, yet denies eating it at all. We're in the process of working with a lawyer to get custody, not sure how that's going to play out, but I'll jump off that bridge when I get there...
Eric. Went to Chicago last weekend and began to have leg pain. Went to the ER when he got home on Sunday. They found a blockage (small) in his leg and will be doing more tests to find out why he's prone to getting clots. More on him in the rant section. He did get a nice floral arrangement delivered to work for mother's day... tulips.
Me. Feeling every day more and more "lost". Just lost. Like I don't belong in this life I'm in. Like I'm working in a coal mine that just collapsed and I'm trying desperately to get through and find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel...There have to be some diamonds in all this coal....
So much has happened (and not happened) in that time frame I really don't know where to begin.
I vowed to keep my blogs a bit more positive this year so we'll start there this time:
The Chamber gig has been ok so far. Demanding and taxing on my time, but otherwise, no major catastrophes (yet...*knocks on anything wooden*) It's hard to keep the Board meetings on track and on time, but I do my best and from the feedback I get, I'm guess they go well. It's nice that folks commend me on my diplomacy when dealing with situations that come up, too. Sometimes I wish I were a bit less diplomatic and a bit more action-oriented. I feel like being the President this year, I should be doing more to "make a difference", but I don't know how I can take anything more on realistically.
Michelle. Things have been going along ok with Michelle. She still struggles in school with turning in work on time (or at all). She also is one of those kids who doesn't do well on tests, which, when combined with missing assignments equates to poor grades. She'd do ok if she just did her classwork and turned it in on time. /sigh But the good news here is...we're getting ALONG better. I have, for the most part, been able to talk to her. Unless it has to do with school, or her medicine (which she insists she doesn't need), we get along fine. I think (hope?) she's slowly realizing I'm not the enemy...
John. He's doing well in Boy Scouts, still enjoying it, so I keep encouraging it. It's good for him to have the social interaction with others. His grades have started slipping, but not terribly. He loves his hamster and he stays out of the drama that the girls seem to perpetuate. Quite simply, he's the glue that holds me together.
Steph. Up to her old tricks. Lies to the nurse at school in order to get snacks. She told the nurse her blood sugar level was 68...Nurse happened to check the meter and she was over 200. Pizza missing from the fridge here at home, she's over 200, yet denies eating it at all. We're in the process of working with a lawyer to get custody, not sure how that's going to play out, but I'll jump off that bridge when I get there...
Eric. Went to Chicago last weekend and began to have leg pain. Went to the ER when he got home on Sunday. They found a blockage (small) in his leg and will be doing more tests to find out why he's prone to getting clots. More on him in the rant section. He did get a nice floral arrangement delivered to work for mother's day... tulips.
Me. Feeling every day more and more "lost". Just lost. Like I don't belong in this life I'm in. Like I'm working in a coal mine that just collapsed and I'm trying desperately to get through and find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel...There have to be some diamonds in all this coal....
Monday, February 15, 2010
February 14th
I think I'd like to declare this the lame-est day in history. It's supposed to be about your partner, your loved one, your true love. Last year, mine was out with another woman. This year, he went to a hockey game with a friend (a guy and HIS boyfriend). But again...he planned for weeks to go to this game with his friend. He went out ON Valentine's day to try and find me a gift. I do appreciate he was thinking about me, even though it was last minute and admitted he wasn't sure he'd be able to find a gift. Gee, thanks.
He was gone literally all day and came home with a stuffed bear, a bag of M&Ms, a card, and a gift certificate to the spa. Nice gift! :) Just wish he'd put as much thought and planning into something for ME as he does for himself. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, he didn't have to go out and get anything at all. I just feel so...unimportant anymore and like the gift was something he felt he HAD to do, not that he wanted to.
We were supposed to go out with friends for dinner, that got cancelled due to the snow, so I ended up making pork chops at home.
He plans for the family monster truck outing 365 days in advance. He plans his ghosthunting expeditions, events out with his friends. I feel like such an afterthought and I don't know why I can't just accept it.
Right now, I feel really guilty, ungrateful, whiney, and just plain "bitchy" about the whole situation. On the other hand, I feel like I deserve to be worthy of thinking out and planning things for, too.
Gah....I'm really beginning to hate February 14th. :(
He was gone literally all day and came home with a stuffed bear, a bag of M&Ms, a card, and a gift certificate to the spa. Nice gift! :) Just wish he'd put as much thought and planning into something for ME as he does for himself. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, he didn't have to go out and get anything at all. I just feel so...unimportant anymore and like the gift was something he felt he HAD to do, not that he wanted to.
We were supposed to go out with friends for dinner, that got cancelled due to the snow, so I ended up making pork chops at home.
He plans for the family monster truck outing 365 days in advance. He plans his ghosthunting expeditions, events out with his friends. I feel like such an afterthought and I don't know why I can't just accept it.
Right now, I feel really guilty, ungrateful, whiney, and just plain "bitchy" about the whole situation. On the other hand, I feel like I deserve to be worthy of thinking out and planning things for, too.
Gah....I'm really beginning to hate February 14th. :(
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
FML
I thought I was going to be more positive in 2010, but I need to vent already. It's only the 20th of January...what does that say about the life I've carved out for myself?? =/
So the ex...out of the clear blue...emails (title to said email is: "custody of Michelle and John". To which he tells me that the kids are telling him they want equal time with him. /sigh OK...I get it...it's EASY there at his place. It's FUN there too. If my ex weren't there, I'd want to be there myself lol (I kid!)
I talk to the kids and they parrot what he's said...verbatim. coincidence? I think not. OK so...benefit of the doubt: they want more time with their dad. Not necessarily a horrible thing other than the fact that he has been unsupportive of my disciplinary actions through the years, didn't support getting the kids necessary medical attention needed, and generally has brainwashed Michelle to believing that his end of the deal "just...isn't...FAIR" (wah, wah...) John's a follower and will go along with whatever Michelle and/or their dad comes up with. He's convinced it's fair.
I showed them both a compromise that I came up with, but was unacceptable to their dad. Michelle reacted as I suspected: It's not EXACTLY equal. *eyeroll* It's more equal than ever and I'm not comfortable giving any more.
HU and I got into it yet again this eve...no wonder my kids don't want to be around, huh? /sigh This time, he LISTENED to me tell Steph that since she didn't bring her calorie king book with her, I wasn't buying her a cookie. Then I gave her a compromise....I'd buy the cookie, but she would be unable to eat it, until carb value was calculated at home. I'll be damned if he didn't use his phone to look up the carb value...directly going against what I was trying to teach her. Responsibility of bringing her book with her each and every time. Sick of my authority with her being undermined. Then he was helping her calculate her carbs and told her to take more insulin for her overage (normally this is ok, but she's been dropping too low after dinner lately)...started to argue with him about it and said, you know what, I'm headed to the car to warm it up. "Probably a good idea" he said. In other words, get the fuck out, your opinion matters not!
I let him have it this eve. He, once again, looked up Michelle's text usage online. I told him to layoff, he said he wasn't going to. I said until he pays the bill, he has not right to dictate how I deal with Michelle any longer and it's no wonder why she wants to live elsewhere with him breathing down her throat all the time. Tired of the disrespect and bullshit in my own house it's ridiculous. He said he'd let me handle it then (sarcastically) and that I wasn't going to do a thing about it. I marched Michelle into the living room and we had a calm discussion about what was going to happen with her phone from now on. No yelling, no accusations of lying, no putting her on the defensive. And by golly it worked. Gee...rocket science at it's best. It's not letting it all go and not dealing with it as he was acusing me of doing, but dealing with it DIFFERENTLY.
When all was said and done, we all came to an agreement about her usage for the next week or so to start. As she shows responsiblity, she gains back privleges. It's no use fighting about it, the girl is going to text! I'm not taking away her phone entirely but limiting it's use. She seemed to understand....we'll see.
Steph came up and was low and what do you know, had to have a snack. Exactly what I was trying to avoid at Subway, but he didn't listen to me.
Positive note: I need to end things on positive notes. Always. It's my new year's resolution. And although I'm at my wits' end, I am thankful for the family I have despite the challenges I face repeatedly with them. So many folks don't have family at all. Balanced life is what I'm striving for (always have) and what I'm trying to instill in my kids. I know they all hate me now, but I hope...one day, they'll respect me for it later. Maybe even thank me. I'm thankful for a good job that pays the bills. I'm thankful for my loving parents that taught me the importance of family, loyalty, respect, and love. Without these things in my foundation, I know my kids wouldn't have all that they have now emotionally. For now, my mantra is "chin up, it aint all that bad!" Thank goodness for wonderful friends and the happiness in a glass that is a chocolate martini.
So the ex...out of the clear blue...emails (title to said email is: "custody of Michelle and John". To which he tells me that the kids are telling him they want equal time with him. /sigh OK...I get it...it's EASY there at his place. It's FUN there too. If my ex weren't there, I'd want to be there myself lol (I kid!)
I talk to the kids and they parrot what he's said...verbatim. coincidence? I think not. OK so...benefit of the doubt: they want more time with their dad. Not necessarily a horrible thing other than the fact that he has been unsupportive of my disciplinary actions through the years, didn't support getting the kids necessary medical attention needed, and generally has brainwashed Michelle to believing that his end of the deal "just...isn't...FAIR" (wah, wah...) John's a follower and will go along with whatever Michelle and/or their dad comes up with. He's convinced it's fair.
I showed them both a compromise that I came up with, but was unacceptable to their dad. Michelle reacted as I suspected: It's not EXACTLY equal. *eyeroll* It's more equal than ever and I'm not comfortable giving any more.
HU and I got into it yet again this eve...no wonder my kids don't want to be around, huh? /sigh This time, he LISTENED to me tell Steph that since she didn't bring her calorie king book with her, I wasn't buying her a cookie. Then I gave her a compromise....I'd buy the cookie, but she would be unable to eat it, until carb value was calculated at home. I'll be damned if he didn't use his phone to look up the carb value...directly going against what I was trying to teach her. Responsibility of bringing her book with her each and every time. Sick of my authority with her being undermined. Then he was helping her calculate her carbs and told her to take more insulin for her overage (normally this is ok, but she's been dropping too low after dinner lately)...started to argue with him about it and said, you know what, I'm headed to the car to warm it up. "Probably a good idea" he said. In other words, get the fuck out, your opinion matters not!
I let him have it this eve. He, once again, looked up Michelle's text usage online. I told him to layoff, he said he wasn't going to. I said until he pays the bill, he has not right to dictate how I deal with Michelle any longer and it's no wonder why she wants to live elsewhere with him breathing down her throat all the time. Tired of the disrespect and bullshit in my own house it's ridiculous. He said he'd let me handle it then (sarcastically) and that I wasn't going to do a thing about it. I marched Michelle into the living room and we had a calm discussion about what was going to happen with her phone from now on. No yelling, no accusations of lying, no putting her on the defensive. And by golly it worked. Gee...rocket science at it's best. It's not letting it all go and not dealing with it as he was acusing me of doing, but dealing with it DIFFERENTLY.
When all was said and done, we all came to an agreement about her usage for the next week or so to start. As she shows responsiblity, she gains back privleges. It's no use fighting about it, the girl is going to text! I'm not taking away her phone entirely but limiting it's use. She seemed to understand....we'll see.
Steph came up and was low and what do you know, had to have a snack. Exactly what I was trying to avoid at Subway, but he didn't listen to me.
Positive note: I need to end things on positive notes. Always. It's my new year's resolution. And although I'm at my wits' end, I am thankful for the family I have despite the challenges I face repeatedly with them. So many folks don't have family at all. Balanced life is what I'm striving for (always have) and what I'm trying to instill in my kids. I know they all hate me now, but I hope...one day, they'll respect me for it later. Maybe even thank me. I'm thankful for a good job that pays the bills. I'm thankful for my loving parents that taught me the importance of family, loyalty, respect, and love. Without these things in my foundation, I know my kids wouldn't have all that they have now emotionally. For now, my mantra is "chin up, it aint all that bad!" Thank goodness for wonderful friends and the happiness in a glass that is a chocolate martini.
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