So my "assignment" for the night is to come up with 2-6 qualities I admire/love about my daughter before tomorrow's therapy session. She's open to consider that she's a wonderful human being, now we just have to convince her it's true. *sigh* It will be hard to stop at 6...
All the work that I try to do to build her up...to make her believe that she's special...why is it that that can be ripped apart and destroyed in a matter of minutes? One word of negativity and she crawls (internally) into a pit of dispair.
Sad thing is: I often wonder if she learned this from me???
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
And so it goes...
Found the car to replace my wrecked one. Got a 2008 Kia Amanti, which is GORGEOUS. One day I WILL own a car that is NOT silver! LOL It has leather seats, moonroof, 6 disc CD changer, power EVERYTHING...it's a dream car (for me)...major upgrade, though it has less "cargo" space than my other sedan since the seats don't fold down. I can live with not hauling crap in this sweet ride!
Payments are not going to be fun, praying I get bonuses back next year. *sigh*
Last night we had a "family meeting" because the HU doesn't want the daughter's BF over all the time. They pretty much keep to themselves when he's here, hanging out in her room mostly. His visits here don't interfere with HU at all anymore, but he still doesn't like the kid. The BF was pretty disrespectful and HU can't get over that and give him a chance to be human.
Makes me a "bad guy" no matter what. Either I "give in" to HU and respect the fact that he doesn't want the BF around, which pisses off the daughter. OR...I "give in" to the wants/needs of the daughter and let the BF over, which pisses HU off. As usual, I'm screwed. I can't please everyone, and no one can compromise.
*sigh* I hate drama...
Payments are not going to be fun, praying I get bonuses back next year. *sigh*
Last night we had a "family meeting" because the HU doesn't want the daughter's BF over all the time. They pretty much keep to themselves when he's here, hanging out in her room mostly. His visits here don't interfere with HU at all anymore, but he still doesn't like the kid. The BF was pretty disrespectful and HU can't get over that and give him a chance to be human.
Makes me a "bad guy" no matter what. Either I "give in" to HU and respect the fact that he doesn't want the BF around, which pisses off the daughter. OR...I "give in" to the wants/needs of the daughter and let the BF over, which pisses HU off. As usual, I'm screwed. I can't please everyone, and no one can compromise.
*sigh* I hate drama...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Car Vs. Guardrail
Guardrail 3, Car 0
Friday night I got into an accident and smashed up my car pretty good. It got towed away today and I should hear something about what the insurance company plans to do about it sometime tomorrow morning.
Part of me wants the insurance company to total the car, so I can get something new. But that involves making car payments again, which I really can't afford right now.
The other part of me wants to have the insurance company fix the car, which I will have to pay a $500 deductible, but won't have monthly payments. While I don't have $500 just lying about, I can scrape that together or charge it to my credit card and pay a little at a time.
Time will tell...wish me luck!
Friday night I got into an accident and smashed up my car pretty good. It got towed away today and I should hear something about what the insurance company plans to do about it sometime tomorrow morning.
Part of me wants the insurance company to total the car, so I can get something new. But that involves making car payments again, which I really can't afford right now.
The other part of me wants to have the insurance company fix the car, which I will have to pay a $500 deductible, but won't have monthly payments. While I don't have $500 just lying about, I can scrape that together or charge it to my credit card and pay a little at a time.
Time will tell...wish me luck!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Is it Friday yet???
Well it's been 4 days with no kids and we've been in good spirits together. We actually worked together to clean up the basement and put a good dent in purging a crapton of JUNK down there.
HU told me he has to work mandatory overtime this week. Conveniently, that will be on Saturday while I'm at work. I need to learn how to re-train my brain to NOT distrust him when he says stuff like this. My mind immediately went to: "great, guess he's going to hang out with folks from work" (Specifically, Ashley who he's not mentioned in quite some time)
He still gets very defensive and I still have some major trust issues. *sigh* It's something I have to change within myself, but I am really struggling to figure out HOW.
Maybe it's that whole self-fulfilling prophesy thing...if I THINK there's problems and issues, I'm CREATING them myself by thinking that way??? Maybe there really ISN'T anything to be mistrustful about. Still, he hurt me...badly. And I'm trying to forgive and move on. Does doubt pass eventually? Will the pain lessen like when a loved one dies...each day getting a bit more bearable?
I am thankful for the time we have together...trying to rebuild what we once had. Just hope we can.
Steph is officially gone. For two years is the plan. While this was NOT the best thing for HER, I DO believe it was the best thing for ME...and for our marriage. I hope she matures some while gone, and I hope her mother will be responsible and provide her stability she needs. If she does, maybe she'll keep custody of her and we can just have visitation, which is, I think, ideal for my entire family. Time will tell....I love her and I do miss her. I don't miss the aggrevation she caused in my home though.
HU told me he has to work mandatory overtime this week. Conveniently, that will be on Saturday while I'm at work. I need to learn how to re-train my brain to NOT distrust him when he says stuff like this. My mind immediately went to: "great, guess he's going to hang out with folks from work" (Specifically, Ashley who he's not mentioned in quite some time)
He still gets very defensive and I still have some major trust issues. *sigh* It's something I have to change within myself, but I am really struggling to figure out HOW.
Maybe it's that whole self-fulfilling prophesy thing...if I THINK there's problems and issues, I'm CREATING them myself by thinking that way??? Maybe there really ISN'T anything to be mistrustful about. Still, he hurt me...badly. And I'm trying to forgive and move on. Does doubt pass eventually? Will the pain lessen like when a loved one dies...each day getting a bit more bearable?
I am thankful for the time we have together...trying to rebuild what we once had. Just hope we can.
Steph is officially gone. For two years is the plan. While this was NOT the best thing for HER, I DO believe it was the best thing for ME...and for our marriage. I hope she matures some while gone, and I hope her mother will be responsible and provide her stability she needs. If she does, maybe she'll keep custody of her and we can just have visitation, which is, I think, ideal for my entire family. Time will tell....I love her and I do miss her. I don't miss the aggrevation she caused in my home though.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
June...a new beginning??
February sucked, March was stressful, April was dreadful, May...moronic. June...a new beginning???
Last night, my step daughter left to go back to Vegas and live with her Mom. While I KNOW I did all I could to provide her a stable loving home environment here for the last two years, I can't help but revel in the fact she's gone. It's been two long years and has created a huge strain on my home, my marriage, my mental and physical health.
I'm tired, but relieved. I have a HUGE mess to clean up in her room. She has a guinea pig and it's disgusting. Hay everywhere, poop everywhere, food everywhere...she didn't bother to keep anything clean or organized.
Friday was my day off, my mother in law was driving in from Chicago and I spent the afternoon at the hospital with my step daughter because she didn't take care of herself and her illness (diabetes). She did things her way or no way, and I am completely relieved to have the stressor removed from my life.
HU and I may never recover from this. There's a wedge between us now that I can't ignore. There's resentment and anger...hurt and depression. He just carries on as if nothing's changed. It didn't affect him at all everything she put me through. I seriously almost had a nervous break down. Maybe I did...who knows.
We'll see how the next two weeks go for us. There won't be any kids in the house for two whole weeks. It's time to rebuild our relationship or completely move on. The choice will be his.
Last night, my step daughter left to go back to Vegas and live with her Mom. While I KNOW I did all I could to provide her a stable loving home environment here for the last two years, I can't help but revel in the fact she's gone. It's been two long years and has created a huge strain on my home, my marriage, my mental and physical health.
I'm tired, but relieved. I have a HUGE mess to clean up in her room. She has a guinea pig and it's disgusting. Hay everywhere, poop everywhere, food everywhere...she didn't bother to keep anything clean or organized.
Friday was my day off, my mother in law was driving in from Chicago and I spent the afternoon at the hospital with my step daughter because she didn't take care of herself and her illness (diabetes). She did things her way or no way, and I am completely relieved to have the stressor removed from my life.
HU and I may never recover from this. There's a wedge between us now that I can't ignore. There's resentment and anger...hurt and depression. He just carries on as if nothing's changed. It didn't affect him at all everything she put me through. I seriously almost had a nervous break down. Maybe I did...who knows.
We'll see how the next two weeks go for us. There won't be any kids in the house for two whole weeks. It's time to rebuild our relationship or completely move on. The choice will be his.
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