We spent the day outside at my Mom's today doing her yardwork (weeding and planting her annual flowers). It loooks really good, but my allergies really flared up horribly. I'm just miserable. And not just from allergies.
HU didn't bother to take the kids to get me anything for Mother's Day. Didn't really expect him to, but gee it would have been nice. Guess it was more important to work on his RC Helicopter and show off for all the neighbors that he can "fly" the thing. I worked Saturday morning....perfect opportunity for him to take the kids to the Walgreens A BLOCK AWAY and get me a candy bar and a card. /sigh oh well.
He had money to take Steph horseback rididng, but no money to get me anything. He asked me today if I wanted him to take me to dinner on Tuesday night for Mother's day. I told him no. First of all, my kids won't even be WITH me that night...not much of a Mother's day celebration without my kids there. Secondly, he won't get paid before Tuesday. If he doesn't have money now, what makes him think he'll have it on Tuesday???
I'm really depressed and tired of the bullshit with him. He's super selfish and I'm really just tired of being second to everything else in his life.
My daughter, while getting her boyfriend some candy for their "eight month anniversary" attempted to buy me a rose, but didn't have enough money. I just told her to put it back. Once again, doesn't mean much if it's last minute as an afterthought and I have to help pitch in to buy it. She said she thought about making me breakfast in bed, but woke up too late. oh well...
I don't mean to sound ungrateful or like I DEMAND gifts...but a bit of acknowledgement for all I do would be nice once in awhile. It never comes. I'm tired of crying and feeling like crap...feeling like I don't matter. Maybe I'm just tired....
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Realizations
I've come to the realization that I am a complete enabler. Except when it comes to enabling myself. I can't seem to enable myself to be strong, powerful, or happy.
I enabled my ex husband to bully me in court 6+ years ago. When my daughter was in the 3rd grade, I knew. I knew she was struggling in school, I started filling out a questionnaire form about ADhD relative to my son and recognized signs in my daughter. The day I was supposed to have her tested, my ex had me served at work...claiming I was "denying his parental rights". Because he was (and still is) in denial. Nothing could be wrong with his little girl. His ego continued to stand in the way. The courts appointed a mediater that decided we should go through counselling at school, which led to family therapy, which led to her seeing a psychologist for depression. ALL of this could have been avoided so long ago. Even now he doesn't believe she has ADhD and as of Feb was refusing to give her medication to assist her. NOW we have an official diagnosis from a doctor HE chose. And he still refuses to acknowlege it's part of the problem. Yes, she has learning disabilities...yes, she'll need tutoring and ongoing therapy and maintenance for chronic depression. None of which changes the fact that she has been diagnosed with ADhD. A completely TREATABLE issue.
The realization I have come to: I CANNOT enable him to continue to deny her the treatment that she needs to be successful.
I need to stop being an enabler. Period.
I enabled my ex husband to bully me in court 6+ years ago. When my daughter was in the 3rd grade, I knew. I knew she was struggling in school, I started filling out a questionnaire form about ADhD relative to my son and recognized signs in my daughter. The day I was supposed to have her tested, my ex had me served at work...claiming I was "denying his parental rights". Because he was (and still is) in denial. Nothing could be wrong with his little girl. His ego continued to stand in the way. The courts appointed a mediater that decided we should go through counselling at school, which led to family therapy, which led to her seeing a psychologist for depression. ALL of this could have been avoided so long ago. Even now he doesn't believe she has ADhD and as of Feb was refusing to give her medication to assist her. NOW we have an official diagnosis from a doctor HE chose. And he still refuses to acknowlege it's part of the problem. Yes, she has learning disabilities...yes, she'll need tutoring and ongoing therapy and maintenance for chronic depression. None of which changes the fact that she has been diagnosed with ADhD. A completely TREATABLE issue.
The realization I have come to: I CANNOT enable him to continue to deny her the treatment that she needs to be successful.
I need to stop being an enabler. Period.
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