The year is almost over

And I don't have a whole lot to show for it. It's been a whirlwind for sure, but I feel like I've accomplished so little. Not that I set out to make a list of accomplishments to achieve or anything, but I just feel like time's slipping away and life is passing me by.

I cried myself to sleep again last night. Michelle texted me that she had a fabulous time shopping and spending her Christmas money and gift cards, got her ears pierced again, and I just felt...empty. I miss having her around. When she's home she's not even around. I just don't know what else to do to change that either. Eric asked "What's wrong NOW?" and all I could reply to him was: "nothing". I'm a horrible liar too. But he just wouldn't understand, I'm done trying to make him see what I'm going through.

I'm at work now, and should be doing...work. All I feel like doing is crying though, which makes it hard to be upbeat, energized, and inspirational at work. My employees are all "what's in it for me" and not taking responsiblity for their own jobs lately. Price of being under staffed and overworked and I can't do a thing about any of that either.

Deadlines are looming, meetings upcoming, pressure and tension mounting everywhere I turn. The one safe haven I had was home, and now even that's a big ball of stress waiting to crush me like the boulder in that Indiana Jones movie...

I need to make a list of things I want to accomplish in the coming year before the new year hits. I need to do something...inspirational to myself. Something meaningful and worthwhile. Something that makes me happy. I just have no clue what on earth that would be... =/

One day at a time...

It's all I can do. From here on out. Take every day, one day at a time. I can't worry about tomorrow...today has enough to deal with on its own!

Yesterday, is in the past. So why do I still feel angry? Why can't I let things just...go?

This is going to be a constant struggle and uphill battle and I'm honestly not sure our marriage is going to survive having his daughter with us. And I'm scared. I love him, and don't want to be without him, but I can't see myself being miserable for the rest of my life either. I love her like my own, but she continually does things that infuriate me. He sees it, and does nothing. Worse, he often blames ME for HER poor behavior instead of correcting her. You know, I'm too controlling...I'm overreacting...I'm anything that allows him to dismiss her purposeful disrespect.

Her way of doing things, doesn't work and then I'm left to deal with the aftermath. He wants to give her freedoms that he absolutely won't even THINK about giving my two kids. The imbalance is too much for me to take anymore. I told him the whole situation worried me (her coming back) because I didn't want things to be how they were...we're not starting off all that great. *sigh*

It's official

Looks like Stephanie will be headed back her to live with us again. After returning to Las Vegas to live with her Mom, Steph ended up in the hospital 3 times and in counselling as well. Apparently her Mom just can't handle her and managing her illness...so we get to. Which really is fine. I just hope HU and I can keep the situation from coming between us.

It's been quite nice not having her around and having to deal with her attitude and lies. I hope thing have/will change when she comes back.

Fresh start, new era. Here we go...I'm as ready as I'm going to be...