Pain

It's more than just an awesome song by Three Days Grace...

My daughter is going through yet another break up with her boyfriend. The same kid that she's been "going out with" since last year. This is breakup #3 for them and I just want her pain to go away.

She's a very emotional girl (wonder where she gets THAT from *whistles innocently*) and this may send her in a downward spiral that I don't want to even think about. Thankfully, her therapist appointment is on Wed, so I am hoping she can help her through the parts that I can't.

I want so bad to tell her it doesn't matter, that she'll experience love again...next time with someone who's better for her, etc. He was a decent boy, a bit controlling and overprotective, but a 4.3 GPA Eagle Scout with aspirations. Everything happens for a reason I told her. And I truly believe this! I don't think this boy was right for her, but she could do a whole lot worse. I'm just praying that she finds herself before she finds another boy. I keep telling her that a boy can't make her whole, but there's a void in her heart left there that she WILL try to fill...that scares me. And...this is after all, high school. They could be back together again before the day is over. =/ I hope they take a LONG break from each other and really figure out what's going on in their relationship...too serious too soon is my guess. Oh how I wish I could take this pain away from her...

Today will be a long day again...I feel like crap and there's only 3 of us in the office today. Good times...

More expenses...

HU still hasn't closed the pool down for the season. He's doing it now. He left the seasonal cover outside all summer and some random plant grew through it and punctured it. New one was $100 bucks. *sigh* He can't find the vaccuum cleaner head attachment and got a new one. Had to get more chemicals as well to shut it down. More than $240 expense just to shut the damn thing down! I didn't go with him to the store, somehow he bought all supplies. I guess it's all that overtime money. /shrug

I just can't put anything more on my credit card right now. I *almost* bought tickets to a concert, but didn't. Just don't have the money. =/ Which really sucks. I'm 40, make a good salary, and can't even afford a few $30 concert tickets.

The roller coaster of emotions in the home is more than I can bear. HU and I haven't talked all week more than a few words, and those weren't very fun conversations either. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm just tired. This doesn't feel "right" anymore and I am at a loss. I think I'm just depressed about the money situation more than anything. I hope that's all that it is...

Not the best of days...what else is new

Sunday night HU and I got into a fight about, of all things, a picture I put up of my daughter and her boyfriend. Prom pic, SUPER nice pic of her, and I don't have many. HE didn't want it in the frame I put it in beacuse that was supposed to be for OUR kids and the boyfriend isn't OUR kid. Not part of our family. Whatever. HU doesn't like the boy because he (unknowingly on speaker phone one night while talking to my daughter) said "F.U." when he could hear HU in the background telling my daughter to get off the phone if they were just going to play around. Naturally, that's REALLY disrespectful of the boyfriend to say, but he's a KID. Haven't you ever said stupid things you wish you could take back!?? I know I have. *sigh* So...he's not welcome in our home, I can't put pictures of my daughter up if he's in them, and the tension goes on and on. It, quite frankly, sucks.

Well when we got into it Sunday night, I lost it. JUST LOST IT. I told HU he could take a long walk off a short pier if he thinks he's going to tell me what pictures of MY daughter I can and cannot display in my own home. Naturally, *I'M* the selfish one, given I know how he feels about this boy and I put it up anyway...I was just doing it to pick a fight. (yeah, right... like I need ANYMORE stress and aggrevation in my life?!? I think not... *sigh*)

Final compromise: I will put their prom pic in a different frame and replace with individual pics of OUR THREE KIDS only in the "tree" frame that's up there now. That's not good enough for him though... he decided that I should "display" it somewhere in HER room, where HE feels it's more appropriate. A lotta good that does ME...I'd never see it then. Course he never will either...which is his whole idea.

I've a right mind to display it at my computer desk where he has to walk by EVERY DAY to get to his own computer! >.< He just infuriates me some days.

I'm strapped for cash, he's spending like mad. I have two kids to support, he's not even PAYING child support to his ex right now and is SUPPOSED to be saving for airfare for when his daughter comes back to visit. Somehow, her plane ticket got put on my charge with the "promise" he would pay it. Haven't seen the $260 yet, but he does have $150 saved. I don't have enough for groceries and household bills, he's out buying computer parts and RC helicopter parts, new monitors and more "ghosthunting" supplies. I broke down crying this morning when he said he was going to the ATM to get money to buy "cookies" at work today for charity. You buy a cookie and give it to a co-worker who's done nice things or needs to be recognized. Here we go again...co-workers laying claim to his money taking precedence over needed supplies and items at home. I'm just sick of it and don't know what to do. I feel so trapped. I seriously can't get a part time job due to working full time already and having to take kids everywhere, but definitely need one. He's working TONS of overtime (about 8-10 hours a week) and not helping anymore than his usual $125/month contribution. I'm just tired of being the only financial support when he makes more money than he used to and could help out more.

Wishful thinking, oh well.