How to forgive...

Just don't care. That's the only way really. If you care about someone, it's REALLY hard to forgive when they've wronged you. You just can't fathom how they could hurt you so bad if they cared at all about you.

In order for me to forgive my husband for going on a "DATE" with another woman, I really can't CARE what he does, or who he does it with. But, I'm not sure I can NOT care about my husband. The man I married and vowed to be with through everything. This is one thing I'm not sure I can "be with him" on...him "seeing" other women. He says they're just friends and it "SUCKS that he can't have a friend just because she's a woman". To a certain extent I agree...but there are limits and boundaries.

I agreed to "allow" him to go to movies with "friends" no matter what they have/don't have in their pants. That's all I agreed to though. Friday night was "HIS night out"...he wasn't going to be home until after 10pm. He led me to believe he was working overtime. He did...30 minutes. He and ASHLEY had hours to kill until the 8:10 showing of "Friday the 13th", so they decided to go to a great little pizza place that his FAMILY goes to frequently, Nick & Elenas. Did he call me to see what *I* was doing for dinner? No. He was LITERALLY down the street from his home where his WIFE was taking care of HIS (not mine!) daughter. Did he invited us to meet him there? No. If she's "just a friend" ... why the hell not?

This, my friends, was a mother fucking date. It was not two friends going to a show that I agreed to. This was dinner and a movie. He paid for her ticket. Got it the night before. He doesn't plan that well for me, why the FUCK does he need to do that for her? We go to the show, I pay. I'm sorry, but I .. am.. betrayed.

I told him yesterday that I sure hope ASHLEY is worth it, that the hacker/slasher movie was worth it. Because he's ruining our relationship by inviting this shit in. He of course says I'm overreacting. Sorry the day before Valentine's day he takes another woman out to dinner and a movie. I got NOTHING from him and when I asked him about it, he said "Valentine's day is just another day...nothing special"...I lost it. I told him it meant something to me, so that alone should make it special.

oh ...and by the way...he's never ONCE mentioned Ashley when talking about folks from work. Not ONCE. He talks about other folks all the time. Pam, Tracey, Janet, Barb...and I've met all of them. Not ONCE has he said ANYTHING about anyone named Ashley.

I asked him why he bought her ticket..."because she bought my lunch so I owed her money anyway"...*sigh* Do you know how many times he's turned down my invitation to lunch over the last 3 weeks??? But he can manage to go to lunch with her, or ask her to bring something back when she goes out or whatever? It's ...just...not...RIGHT. But I'm just supposed to sit back and love him and give him sex whenever he wants and faun all over him all the time?

I think....it's over. Not sure I can forgive all this hurt, nor do I think he wants me to.