How stupid am I??

The rhetorical question of the ages. No one wants to really EVER find out the answer to that question...yet I find myself asking myself that question constantly lately.

How stupid am I that I would let my ex stand in the way of getting my daughter the medical help she needs?

How stupid am I that I want so badly for my relationship with my husband to work, that I'm willing to give up my time with him so he can be with another woman?

How stupid am I that I take on more tasks than I can hope to accomplish successfully?

Meeting with the psychiatrist, daughter and ex yesterday. Doc was appalled at her grades (as were we as her parents of course), she had the worst attitude and was completely disrespectful to the doctor. Welcome back mood swings. *sigh* She was taken off one medicine last month and supposed to have replaced it with another, but the ex refused to administer because it's primarily used to treat ADHD. He's got my daughter so brainwashed to believing that's a BAD BAD thing to be diagnosed with that illness. I'm at a complete loss. Now we start over. New doctor, more testing and questionaires to fill out, we've been all through this. I swear to GOD if anything comes from these tests, I'm taking him back to court for sole legal custody so he can't continue to stand in the way of her treatment. I'm so angry I could spit >.<

Things are (were??) going well with HU. He says he's going to give me more money to help out with the financial stress I've been under (he SHOULD be paying half of everything, but hey, anything more is better than nothing, right?). He said he'd "get rid of" the "work-friend"...which I took to mean he would not be hanging out with her, going to lunch with her, etc. He text messages me today:
"Don't want u mad/upset..But Ashley asked if it was ok to call me tonight for a few minutes. She had to go to court today and wanted someone to talk to about it. Do you think that'll be ok?? Just want to ask to see if your ok with that. Let me know."

How the FUCK am I supposed to respond to this? If I say, hell no I'm not ok with her calling you...I'm a cold hearted bitch controlling him and not allowing him to have friends. If I say sure go ahead...I'm lying. I'm NOT ok with this at all. But he's made me feel so guilty like all of this is just me being insecure and ridiculous, how do I tell him how I REALLY feel???

In the end, I said: "Sure if you can talk to her in front of me...I can't believe she has no one else to talk to about this but if you can help I guess I need to be ok with it"

Not sure that was the right way to handle it or not...I'm NOT ok with it, but I'm TRYING to let him have friends. Here's what I'm NOT ok with....she's upset/hurt/angry/whatever...who does she run to for comfort and support? MY HUSBAND??? She seriously has NO ONE ELSE to talk to?!?! He said she just moved here about a year ago and doesn't have any friends here. What about where she came from?? I'm sure she still has friends/family elsewhere even if not in this area. And a whole year goes by and you've not connected with a FEMALE friend you work with in a way that you're comfy talking about your problems (even a watered down version of them) with her??? I'm just not buying any of what he's selling right now...doesn't add up and it SUCKS.

He said it was no problem to talk in front of me and he'll keep it short as possible. I just don't get it. Why, when he JUST said Sunday, he'd "get rid" of her would he be asking my permission to take her phone call?? Like they don't spend enough time together at work. *sigh*

Then he texts me: "Yes. If possible" out of the clear blue not related to our conversation at all and when I called him out on it, he tried to play it off as talking about he would speak to Michelle if I could keep her from being emo with her boyfriend. Sorry dude, I didn't just fall off the stagecoach...I know how mistells work. =/

All this adds up to trouble beyond trouble and I'm just supposed to IGNORE all these signs.

HOW STUPID AM I?!?!?