Snoop Dawg

Yep...I snooped. Sue me. I felt I had "probable cause". He said *I* can't be trusted, I'd just do it again and that's unacceptable! I told him don't give me cause to and it won't be necessary.

Our story continues: (GOD this feels like a freaking soap opera with a Jerry Springer twist!) I went into his phone log to get this girl's number and found stuff I "should have never" found. According to him, if I wasn't snooping, there wouldn't be any hurt feelings. Basically he tells me "what I don't know can't hurt me".

I've "snooped" one time before and he went through the roof. I was sitting at his computer desk, he was fixing mine. An email popped up, you know the littel outlook box that fades out after a second?, and was from some girl I had never heard of thanking him for the "gift certificate" or something. It flashed away too fast, but ... WTF?? *Clicks open the email* Apparently it was some dumb bet he made about team productivity or something and he lost so he got her the gift card instead of the item he was supposed to have gotten her whatever that was now I don't remember. I was hurt that he'd do all that without telling me anything about it, he apologized, I apologized for "snooping"...done deal. Until now. He's a very private person and wants to be his own individual person. He says I ask too many questions and I don't need to be in his business all the time. He doesn't want me to read his email, see his texts, or look at his phone logs, but there's absolutely nothing to hide...RIIIIIGHT. I should just trust him completely. And honestly, I do...until something like this eats away at that trust that's been built up.

I reminded him, I'm not his mother. He doesn't just live under this roof and "answer to me" like he did his mom. (or didn't do as the case may be) He said all my questions make him feel that way. We talked about frustrations. I get frustrated when he does NOTHING about Steph's behavior, but if Michelle does anything wrong he's all over her. He STILL hasn't called the school or punished her for vandalizing school property. In fact, she went out and got a new camera AND a DS game for her good grades and used money she had saved for the camera. *facepalm* I told him I wouldn't wait for the counselor to call him, he needs to be proactive instead of reactive. He just said "now you've said your piece drop it and I'll take care of it" ...paraphrased slightly, but that's the jist of it.

The calls to the girl were few and far between but were at really odd times...call from her to him at 6:36am one morning? That's typically when I'm in the shower... call from him to her at 7:45pm? On his way home from work...HOME TO ME AND HIS FAMILY. His explaination: "oh, she probably accidentally dialed me. I probably called her on the way about something that happened at work"

In the end I told him I'm allowed to have feelings no matter how irrational he may think they are. He's got me so mind-fucked into thinking this is all me blowing everything out of proportion and overreacting, yet I keep uncovering things that don't add up.

The Gun shop explanation (the REAL reason I called him out on the call log deal) was supposedly that he was looking into getting some sort of permit to go to the shooting range. I told him I don't like guns in the house, but wouldn't mind to learn to shoot...safely...at a range. We talked about this before...YEARS ago, but he said he (conveniently) doesn't remember that I'd be interested in doing anything like that.

It all boils down to how WE were in the beginning...which is how THEY are starting out now. And it scares the living shit out of me. He says we'll work through it. Neither of us wants to divorce and lose the other. I feel like we're at such an impass over this right now it feels hopeless. Maybe I'll feel better after I meet her. If she's just a friend, so be it. But good LORD quit with the half-truths, partial information leading me to believe one thing and I find out something different, and dismissing things as "your business". I apologized for "snooping again", but told him I will NOT lead my life with blinders on, and he better take his off and see what's going on around him. He apologized for not giving me more information and said he'd try to do that better in the future. /shrug I doubt it will happen, but we'll see. One day at a time...

Bottom line, he needs to grow up. I'm not sure he's ready to...