FML

I thought I was going to be more positive in 2010, but I need to vent already. It's only the 20th of January...what does that say about the life I've carved out for myself?? =/

So the ex...out of the clear blue...emails (title to said email is: "custody of Michelle and John". To which he tells me that the kids are telling him they want equal time with him. /sigh OK...I get it...it's EASY there at his place. It's FUN there too. If my ex weren't there, I'd want to be there myself lol (I kid!)

I talk to the kids and they parrot what he's said...verbatim. coincidence? I think not. OK so...benefit of the doubt: they want more time with their dad. Not necessarily a horrible thing other than the fact that he has been unsupportive of my disciplinary actions through the years, didn't support getting the kids necessary medical attention needed, and generally has brainwashed Michelle to believing that his end of the deal "just...isn't...FAIR" (wah, wah...) John's a follower and will go along with whatever Michelle and/or their dad comes up with. He's convinced it's fair.

I showed them both a compromise that I came up with, but was unacceptable to their dad. Michelle reacted as I suspected: It's not EXACTLY equal. *eyeroll* It's more equal than ever and I'm not comfortable giving any more.

HU and I got into it yet again this eve...no wonder my kids don't want to be around, huh? /sigh This time, he LISTENED to me tell Steph that since she didn't bring her calorie king book with her, I wasn't buying her a cookie. Then I gave her a compromise....I'd buy the cookie, but she would be unable to eat it, until carb value was calculated at home. I'll be damned if he didn't use his phone to look up the carb value...directly going against what I was trying to teach her. Responsibility of bringing her book with her each and every time. Sick of my authority with her being undermined. Then he was helping her calculate her carbs and told her to take more insulin for her overage (normally this is ok, but she's been dropping too low after dinner lately)...started to argue with him about it and said, you know what, I'm headed to the car to warm it up. "Probably a good idea" he said. In other words, get the fuck out, your opinion matters not!

I let him have it this eve. He, once again, looked up Michelle's text usage online. I told him to layoff, he said he wasn't going to. I said until he pays the bill, he has not right to dictate how I deal with Michelle any longer and it's no wonder why she wants to live elsewhere with him breathing down her throat all the time. Tired of the disrespect and bullshit in my own house it's ridiculous. He said he'd let me handle it then (sarcastically) and that I wasn't going to do a thing about it. I marched Michelle into the living room and we had a calm discussion about what was going to happen with her phone from now on. No yelling, no accusations of lying, no putting her on the defensive. And by golly it worked. Gee...rocket science at it's best. It's not letting it all go and not dealing with it as he was acusing me of doing, but dealing with it DIFFERENTLY.

When all was said and done, we all came to an agreement about her usage for the next week or so to start. As she shows responsiblity, she gains back privleges. It's no use fighting about it, the girl is going to text! I'm not taking away her phone entirely but limiting it's use. She seemed to understand....we'll see.

Steph came up and was low and what do you know, had to have a snack. Exactly what I was trying to avoid at Subway, but he didn't listen to me.


Positive note: I need to end things on positive notes. Always. It's my new year's resolution. And although I'm at my wits' end, I am thankful for the family I have despite the challenges I face repeatedly with them. So many folks don't have family at all. Balanced life is what I'm striving for (always have) and what I'm trying to instill in my kids. I know they all hate me now, but I hope...one day, they'll respect me for it later. Maybe even thank me. I'm thankful for a good job that pays the bills. I'm thankful for my loving parents that taught me the importance of family, loyalty, respect, and love. Without these things in my foundation, I know my kids wouldn't have all that they have now emotionally. For now, my mantra is "chin up, it aint all that bad!" Thank goodness for wonderful friends and the happiness in a glass that is a chocolate martini.