A quaint little Colorado town! It's cute here, small and eclectic. Some "authentic" Indian (ie Native American) shops, as well as your typical touristy t-shirt and post card shops. Ate at a nice little Mexican restaurant this eve. I would have had a drink but my head hurts. Altitude adjustment, I'm sure...I've been drinking so much water I've only had three diet pepsi's all day. Part of my headache is probably lack of caffeine! LOL
I miss HU, more than I thought I would. I'm still...uneasy about leaving, but have to keep telling myself there is no reason to NOT trust him. Things have been going along well and I can't allow myself to make something out of nothing. Don't think I can go through another round of pain and feelings of being manipulated. All I can do is trust him. It's hard when my mind wanders, but he really does love me and I do love him. There has to be a level of trust. Just wish he'd trust me with his "private" life... /sigh maybe one day....
Anyway, off to bed! Tomorrow we get up early, pack the car and drive to the camp spot. Hang out there for two days just CHIILLING at the camp spot! :) Sunday we're going to the hot springs and have to leave early on MOnday to get home...flight leaves here at 12:20 and it's a 3 hour drive from Steamboat Springs to Denver. I'm thankful my friend doesn't mind all the driving. She's great! <3
Goodnight!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
And...then off to Colorado!
Work tomorrow for a half day. Work Monday (kids go back to their Dad's at 8am). 1/2 day off on Tuesday...getting hair cut and colored, then work the other 1/2 day. Work Wednesday, then off Thursday, Friday and Monday! I head to CO to visit with my friend Robin to celebrate her 40th birthday! :) We'll be camping and I REALLY don't know how I'll handle *that*, but intend to have fun no matter what. This will be my last *hurrah* until next year. Sure, we may get to Chicago for a weekend trip to see HU's family, but for the most part our vacationing and traveling will be done...sad, but we've had a great summer!
It'll be hard to work the rest of the year without a break... =/
It'll be hard to work the rest of the year without a break... =/
Monday, July 6, 2009
One more day...
Just ONE MORE DAY of work then I'm off for a week and a half! I'm so excited I can barely stand still.
HU and I are going to CA to visit with a couple of his friends. They've invited us to stay with them, so we just had plane fare and spending money expense. I'm hoping it doesn't cost TOO much there, because we really just don't have a lot to spend. =/ Between having to buy the new car (and now make payments) and a fixed income amount with no hope of bonus or incentive...our budgeting is definitely being tested and we're not doing so well. Eric spent almost $200 on my birthday, and while I love him for the thoughtful gifts he's given me, that's $200 we really didn't need him spending right now. =/ I'm looking forward to a nice long vacation just the two of us, and hope we can get some "alone time" there even though we'll be at his friend's house. Eric made my birthday nice and I'm glad for the time we've had together since Steph left. He's definitely more relaxed and attentive to my needs, and we're fighting a WHOLE lot less. We did have a blow up over Michelle and her boyfriend, which I'm hoping will get resolved soon. I just want some peace at home. I want us to all get along (and for the most part we do)...I'm really tired of stress and tension at home.
I can't wait for this much needed vacation. Mom's going to take the dog for a week...just not sure what to do about the hamster... o.O I think if I change the bedding the morning before we go and OVERLOAD the cage with food and treats it should be good for 5 days. Keeping my fingers crossed! :)
HU and I are going to CA to visit with a couple of his friends. They've invited us to stay with them, so we just had plane fare and spending money expense. I'm hoping it doesn't cost TOO much there, because we really just don't have a lot to spend. =/ Between having to buy the new car (and now make payments) and a fixed income amount with no hope of bonus or incentive...our budgeting is definitely being tested and we're not doing so well. Eric spent almost $200 on my birthday, and while I love him for the thoughtful gifts he's given me, that's $200 we really didn't need him spending right now. =/ I'm looking forward to a nice long vacation just the two of us, and hope we can get some "alone time" there even though we'll be at his friend's house. Eric made my birthday nice and I'm glad for the time we've had together since Steph left. He's definitely more relaxed and attentive to my needs, and we're fighting a WHOLE lot less. We did have a blow up over Michelle and her boyfriend, which I'm hoping will get resolved soon. I just want some peace at home. I want us to all get along (and for the most part we do)...I'm really tired of stress and tension at home.
I can't wait for this much needed vacation. Mom's going to take the dog for a week...just not sure what to do about the hamster... o.O I think if I change the bedding the morning before we go and OVERLOAD the cage with food and treats it should be good for 5 days. Keeping my fingers crossed! :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Self Esteem
So my "assignment" for the night is to come up with 2-6 qualities I admire/love about my daughter before tomorrow's therapy session. She's open to consider that she's a wonderful human being, now we just have to convince her it's true. *sigh* It will be hard to stop at 6...
All the work that I try to do to build her up...to make her believe that she's special...why is it that that can be ripped apart and destroyed in a matter of minutes? One word of negativity and she crawls (internally) into a pit of dispair.
Sad thing is: I often wonder if she learned this from me???
All the work that I try to do to build her up...to make her believe that she's special...why is it that that can be ripped apart and destroyed in a matter of minutes? One word of negativity and she crawls (internally) into a pit of dispair.
Sad thing is: I often wonder if she learned this from me???
Saturday, June 27, 2009
And so it goes...
Found the car to replace my wrecked one. Got a 2008 Kia Amanti, which is GORGEOUS. One day I WILL own a car that is NOT silver! LOL It has leather seats, moonroof, 6 disc CD changer, power EVERYTHING...it's a dream car (for me)...major upgrade, though it has less "cargo" space than my other sedan since the seats don't fold down. I can live with not hauling crap in this sweet ride!
Payments are not going to be fun, praying I get bonuses back next year. *sigh*
Last night we had a "family meeting" because the HU doesn't want the daughter's BF over all the time. They pretty much keep to themselves when he's here, hanging out in her room mostly. His visits here don't interfere with HU at all anymore, but he still doesn't like the kid. The BF was pretty disrespectful and HU can't get over that and give him a chance to be human.
Makes me a "bad guy" no matter what. Either I "give in" to HU and respect the fact that he doesn't want the BF around, which pisses off the daughter. OR...I "give in" to the wants/needs of the daughter and let the BF over, which pisses HU off. As usual, I'm screwed. I can't please everyone, and no one can compromise.
*sigh* I hate drama...
Payments are not going to be fun, praying I get bonuses back next year. *sigh*
Last night we had a "family meeting" because the HU doesn't want the daughter's BF over all the time. They pretty much keep to themselves when he's here, hanging out in her room mostly. His visits here don't interfere with HU at all anymore, but he still doesn't like the kid. The BF was pretty disrespectful and HU can't get over that and give him a chance to be human.
Makes me a "bad guy" no matter what. Either I "give in" to HU and respect the fact that he doesn't want the BF around, which pisses off the daughter. OR...I "give in" to the wants/needs of the daughter and let the BF over, which pisses HU off. As usual, I'm screwed. I can't please everyone, and no one can compromise.
*sigh* I hate drama...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Car Vs. Guardrail
Guardrail 3, Car 0
Friday night I got into an accident and smashed up my car pretty good. It got towed away today and I should hear something about what the insurance company plans to do about it sometime tomorrow morning.
Part of me wants the insurance company to total the car, so I can get something new. But that involves making car payments again, which I really can't afford right now.
The other part of me wants to have the insurance company fix the car, which I will have to pay a $500 deductible, but won't have monthly payments. While I don't have $500 just lying about, I can scrape that together or charge it to my credit card and pay a little at a time.
Time will tell...wish me luck!
Friday night I got into an accident and smashed up my car pretty good. It got towed away today and I should hear something about what the insurance company plans to do about it sometime tomorrow morning.
Part of me wants the insurance company to total the car, so I can get something new. But that involves making car payments again, which I really can't afford right now.
The other part of me wants to have the insurance company fix the car, which I will have to pay a $500 deductible, but won't have monthly payments. While I don't have $500 just lying about, I can scrape that together or charge it to my credit card and pay a little at a time.
Time will tell...wish me luck!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Is it Friday yet???
Well it's been 4 days with no kids and we've been in good spirits together. We actually worked together to clean up the basement and put a good dent in purging a crapton of JUNK down there.
HU told me he has to work mandatory overtime this week. Conveniently, that will be on Saturday while I'm at work. I need to learn how to re-train my brain to NOT distrust him when he says stuff like this. My mind immediately went to: "great, guess he's going to hang out with folks from work" (Specifically, Ashley who he's not mentioned in quite some time)
He still gets very defensive and I still have some major trust issues. *sigh* It's something I have to change within myself, but I am really struggling to figure out HOW.
Maybe it's that whole self-fulfilling prophesy thing...if I THINK there's problems and issues, I'm CREATING them myself by thinking that way??? Maybe there really ISN'T anything to be mistrustful about. Still, he hurt me...badly. And I'm trying to forgive and move on. Does doubt pass eventually? Will the pain lessen like when a loved one dies...each day getting a bit more bearable?
I am thankful for the time we have together...trying to rebuild what we once had. Just hope we can.
Steph is officially gone. For two years is the plan. While this was NOT the best thing for HER, I DO believe it was the best thing for ME...and for our marriage. I hope she matures some while gone, and I hope her mother will be responsible and provide her stability she needs. If she does, maybe she'll keep custody of her and we can just have visitation, which is, I think, ideal for my entire family. Time will tell....I love her and I do miss her. I don't miss the aggrevation she caused in my home though.
HU told me he has to work mandatory overtime this week. Conveniently, that will be on Saturday while I'm at work. I need to learn how to re-train my brain to NOT distrust him when he says stuff like this. My mind immediately went to: "great, guess he's going to hang out with folks from work" (Specifically, Ashley who he's not mentioned in quite some time)
He still gets very defensive and I still have some major trust issues. *sigh* It's something I have to change within myself, but I am really struggling to figure out HOW.
Maybe it's that whole self-fulfilling prophesy thing...if I THINK there's problems and issues, I'm CREATING them myself by thinking that way??? Maybe there really ISN'T anything to be mistrustful about. Still, he hurt me...badly. And I'm trying to forgive and move on. Does doubt pass eventually? Will the pain lessen like when a loved one dies...each day getting a bit more bearable?
I am thankful for the time we have together...trying to rebuild what we once had. Just hope we can.
Steph is officially gone. For two years is the plan. While this was NOT the best thing for HER, I DO believe it was the best thing for ME...and for our marriage. I hope she matures some while gone, and I hope her mother will be responsible and provide her stability she needs. If she does, maybe she'll keep custody of her and we can just have visitation, which is, I think, ideal for my entire family. Time will tell....I love her and I do miss her. I don't miss the aggrevation she caused in my home though.
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